It's about time I wrote a blog...

Because really a lot has happened..

In November I took the wise decision to make a fleeting trip back to Australia in order to celebrate the 70th birthday of my only Grandfather.. After months of thinking that this trip wasn't possible for various reasons, I finally bit the bullet, so to speak, and booked a ticket to spend 4 days back in Sydney with those that I love.. Quite possibly the best money that I've ever spent...

The birthday party of my Grandfather had lots of family and lots of old friends that he'd grown up with in Ceylon who are now living in all different parts of Australia, and others, like me, who inhabit different parts of the world...

Despite being short, it was well worth it. The 3 or 4 days that I spent there, were with those I love - eating seafood, drinking good beer, laughing!

The timing for the trip was perfect as one of my oldest and best friends gave birth to a beautiful baby girl whilst I was back. I was fortunate enough to meet this little treasure who makes the second child in a wonderful family of a brave and courageous friend who shines in motherhood and just absolutely amazes me...

It's not long now and I'll be back in Aus again... 2 weeks is much more reasonable and I try not to, but I'm counting down the days until sun and sleep and cuddles..

I can't say it feels too much like Christmas this year.. There is tinsle in my house, a present or two under the make shift tree and there are even some real Christmas trees that can be seen whilst sneaking your eyes to the windows of others houses, but it just doesn't quite feel like it.. I was hoping for some snow but I don't think I will be so lucky... We've got a Christmas eve dinner and on Christmas Day a few people will join at my house for my attempt at mulled wine, some Christmas carols and some company... But to be honest,  I'm happy for the rest, some time to catch up on sleep and some work outside the office....

Since coming back from Aus it's been quite busy... Budgets for 2012 and with the potential move to a new hospital and definitely an expansion of our activities it's been no easy feat! I also traveled to Erbil in Kurdistan, for a meeting with our Iraqi Doctors that was both productive and hilarious....

The Iraqi's are not as I expected.. The group of men that are working with us had me and Cindy in fits of laughter daily, unintentionally I am sure.. And not only this, we're talking about a group of people that live in one of the most dangerous countries in the world. These men still manage to be gentleman - more so than the Jordanians, and they tell stories and they laugh, the fact that they get up each day and face the world is a triumph within itself.. They work with MSF in risk of their own lives to do something to help the people of their country.. It breaks my heart this morning when in the office we discover the serious of bombs that have been let off in Baghdad, the number of casualties, the number injured...  for what? I wish I knew....

It's the second time in one month that I have tears for this country and their people... Today I hold them back well... The last time they came whilst doing a field visit, whilst talking to one of our staff and listening to his life, as to why he won't be a refugee, as to why he stays in Iraq. I listen to this over a shisha and a cup of tea and it's not until I'm back in the safety of our house that I can let out the rock that's built in my throat at the injustice and the bullshit within this world...

There's so many days now that I don't feel like I'm doing what I wanted.. That I'm not sure that this makes a difference, that I resent counting numbers and solving problems and being tired... But all it takes is one minute, the words of someone else or the amazed look on their face when I tell them what we do, a flash on the news about another bomb blast, about another group of people killed, all it takes is one minute for me to slap myself silly and realise I am exactly where I should be......

I saw my first surgery for this project the other day.. 6 months, yes, it's quite a long time, but it's gone too quickly.... I watched one of our surgeons take a piece of rib and turn it into a nose... Gruesome but absolutely fascinating. It's moments like this that remind me how utterly amazing that this program is.... Sitting in the coordination team it's easy to forget, but looking at our patients, well it should be a mandatory, daily activity.. Not only to provide vast inspiration but also to make you thank god (and I'm not even sure I'm  a believer) for how damn lucky we are....

If only it were easier to remember this all the time.....

I think it's enough from me today.... So to all those that I love, that are both far away and that are close, may your Christmas be just wonderful, filled with family and smiles and love..... And may you have the same thing the new year long.... 

Turkey, I love you.....

Whilst it feels like a long distance memory now, my holiday in Turkey at the beginning of September was just incredible. This country must be one of my favourites! A great mix of history, beauty, culture, all blended together creating something European, Asian and Middle Eastern.

I flew in to Istanbul, where I spent 2 nights in a wonderful little B&B, called Turkoman (highly recommended for anyone travelling in Istanbul). It’s in Sultanahmet, which is the old city and has this incredible terrace where you enjoy breakfast, or an afternoon beer, overlooking the Blue Mosque.

I spent 2 days discovering some of what Istanbul has to offer. The Blue Mosque, Aya Sofia, Topkapi Palace and it’s amazing Haram, a boat ride on the Bospherous, seafood (fresh!!!!), the Spice Market and the Grand Bazaar and a dinner in the more trendy, newer part of town that is Istiklal Clad.. 2 days for Istanbul though is simply not enough. Actually a week for Turkey is not even close but it was a great break and I plan to go back and spend a month in this amazing country at the end of my mission. After my second day of sightseeing I had already run out of adjectives, I let my pictures describe it for you better.

The Blue Mosque, Istanbul.
I got up early early to take in the sights before the crowds

After this I caught a flight to Antalya and a bus down to Olympos to meet the lovely Sophie and Ben.. We spent 2 nights in a treehouse, drinking Corona, eating great vege food, swimming in the ocean and exploring a little bit in the bush (ending up lost of course at one stage), before departing Olympos for a 3 night 4 day cruise along the Mediterranean Sea. Soph had heard about this boat trip with Al Turka from a friend a few years ago, and my oh my was it wonderful... The food is incredible, every morning you wake up after sleeping on the deck under the stars and jump into the water as your morning shower whilst someone prepares breakfast for you. The boat docks at various places along the coast for exploring ruins, little towns of the Turkish coast and shopping!

Me, Ben & Sophie, taking our usual seat up the front in the sun.

Rocking the side pony before 'disco island'.....

Soph and I tried some water sports one day, screaming with laughter before a dead arm for nearly a 24 hour period.. There was many a game of backgammon and bullshit and quite a few Turkish beers and mojito’s.

The boat trip finishes in Fethiye and I got to spend one extra night with them there, before heading back to Amman.. Lobster, champagne and fresh prawns made me want to give up my job with MSF and continue with these 2 free spirits on their trip around the world.. There’s something to be said for the happiness that this freedom brings and the excitement of each day.. I only hope that one day I’m lucky enough to find a significant other with which I have such a wonderful connection and can explore the way that the two of them are doing now...

The morning rays over Butterfly Island
Quite a wonderful view to wake up to

Exploring St. Nicholas Island

Since coming back from Turkey work has been incredibly busy. I wonder why I was complaining about the boredom when now it’s quite the opposite.. Once again I have a flatmate though and someone to share the workload with, Cindy is her name and we already know each other as we did our training together in New York, back before departing for our first missions.

The time is really flying with the work being so busy, I can’t believe it’s the mid of October already. We have the second Eid coming up early next month and we’ve begun to discuss a few days in Lebanon, whilst my credit card is having a negative reaction, my mind is screaming at the excited and for some more exploration.

I started a course at the French School last week, this takes up 2 nights a week until the end of December. So hopefully by then I’ll be somewhat bi-lingual. 

What are we so afraid of?

My love of words by the Lebanese poet/author Khalil Gibran should come as no surprise to those of you who know me well.. One day, maybe, his most inspirational words will be inked on my body as a constant reminder as to what I believe in.

For the meantime, I was quite interested to wake up the other morning and find on Aljazeera a documentary that talks about the opening of a school in Brooklyn, NYC, known as the KGIA – Khalil Gibran International Academy. I guess I’m not the only one to be inspired by the beautiful words and the ‘oneness’ that this man once wrote of.

The documentary (Intifada, NYC) follows the opening of this controversial school, the main groups, both for and against its conception and the ultimate dismissal of its principle, whose lifelong dream was to open such a school where both Arabs and Non-Arabs would be educated together as part of promoting a better understanding and coexistence between two, sometimes different, societies who perhaps do not always understand one another so well.

This documentary added to lately unshakable thoughts about how well we really understand each other as human beings and what on earth we are so afraid of when it comes to other cultures and the perceived threat that they represent to our identity and to ‘our nation’.

Watching ‘Go back to where you came from’ the other week and seeing so clearly the thoughts of some seriously ignorant people, not only made me cringe at being Australian (for some parts) but really got me questioning the understanding that some people have regarding the reality of the world outside their own and also their ability to think that we are so different to one another?

Isn’t it only chance that we’re born where we are? That some of us have access to everything that we need, whilst others have nothing. That instead of getting taken to a place of love, that they enter a world with a high likelihood of death? And even if they surpass the odds and survive, that their whole life will be a constant struggle for food, for freedom, against rape, for happiness.

So what I can’t help questioning lately, is what is it exactly that makes us so frightened about sharing ‘our world’ (yes ‘your’ country, that you live in - by chance, by the way)? Is it just of the unknown? Why are we so reluctant to open our doors to people of difference? Is it because it’s much easier to label them as queue jumpers and terrorists and to dissolve ourselves of ‘their’ problems?

Aren’t we them too?

Isn’t the world interconnected, aren’t we all one?

I keep wondering what would happen if it was mandatory to study the religions of the world and to visit the countries with nothing. To live with the people who are born at the same moment as us somewhere else, to poke our heads in the refugee camps, see the outcomes and the effects of the war in their country. The destroyed buildings, the humiliation, the end of hope, the almost acceptance of a life that they do not deserve, that no one deserves.

Do you think we would be different? Do you think that maybe we would be more inclined to open our eyes and our hearts? Do you think we would be able to see the ‘oneness’ of all of us as we spent time with the ‘other’?

Maybe we would be able to break down borders, they’re only mad made anyway. Maybe we would be able to embrace our differences, to learn things from each other. To stop dropping bombs on one another or selling arms, creating destruction and to instead create beauty. To open our minds to believe and understand more than what we hear on the news. To share our wealth and our happiness, to stop searching for something to feed our souls, to stop killing ourselves at the age of 16 because we don’t know what life is and how to live, how to be happy. Maybe all people would be free, no children dying from starvation, from sickness or from the drones driven behind the shelter of another country (you don’t want to get me started on the drones......), maybe this work wouldn’t be needed, because we’d all be looking after one another. As though we are all one, not divided and disengaged by our culture or the god we pray to or the way our skin looks.

Maybe, just maybe.. Anything is possible!

Whilst you might think that my maybes above are ignorant, misguided, full of faults, unrealistic, this is fine, they’re only MY maybes. But, this is OUR world, is it what you hoped it to be?

Khalil Gibran said; Faith is an oasis in the heart that will never be reached by the caravan of thinking

Part of my faith is that things can be better. That we can treat each other better, kinder and that true love, the only thing worth really living for, can surround us...

You know you're a humanitarian worker when....

Yestarday a colleague of mine passed on a link to another MSF blogger who had found and translated a very funny passage about the life of a humanitarian worker...

For those of you in the field, I am sure you will get a good laugh out of this (I did). For those of you not in the field, I hope this gives you a somewhat lighthearted, funny insight a little more into the arena..

The following is translated from a French Facebook entry, with one or two phrases added by Tonton Ed, which has then been copied by me for inclusion. So no, these are not my original words - I only wish I could be so funny!

You know that you are a humanitarian worker when:

• Unlike your friends who have normal lives, you don’t have a wife/husband, children, or house, and when you return home, you sleep in your parent’s place.
• You have a university degree, you manage a team of at least 10 people and a multi-million dollar budget in a civil war situation, but you earn a minimum wage.
• You earn a minimum wage, but you have a cook, a house keeper and a chauffeur 24 hours a day.
• You enjoy sending verbal missiles at your colleagues from other non-governmental organizations.
• For you, Save the Children is called Save the Chicken, World Vision is World Illusion, and MSF is MFS (pronounce emefess – in french Et Mes Fesses - translates to: And My Ass!)
• You don’t like people from the United Nations, but once you have a beer in your hand, all white guys (Mzungus/Kwajas) are your friends, especially when the presence of females (or males) is limited.
• You are always criticizing the United Nations, but secretly, you would love to work for them to triple your salary.
• When you return home, your friends and family all ask the same question, “So how was it?” hoping that you can summarize 1 year of mission in 3 minutes, because after 3 minutes, they are no longer with you.
• You tell your acquaintances that you work in the humanitarian field, and they respond “Ok but what’s your job?”
• Upon returning home and looking for work at the unemployment office, you put in a listing under “southern coordination” and you explain to the work counsellor that he/she would be better off not wasting a lot of time on you. Anyway, you don’t fit into any of their categories!
• When you return home, you love making the round of your friends, but when you realize what their every-day lives are like, you wish to return quickly on mission.
• You really laugh when young street marketers stop you in the street and ask you “Have you ever heard of Action Against Hunger?”
• You would love to work in Latin America or Asia, but you always find yourself in Chad, Democratic Republic of Congo, or Sudan.
• You understand mysterious phrases such as:
o The watsan always sends his sitrep to the HoM before leaving on R&R. (The water/sanitation guy always sends his situation report to the head of mission before leaving on break.)
o The nut and food sec want to use Plumpy Nut to combat kwash in under-5s in MdM’s CNT. (The nutrition and food security group want to use Plumpy Nut (a weight-gain product) to combat kwashorkors (one type of malnutrition) in children under 5 years of age in Médecins du Monde’s (Doctors of the World) therapeutic nutrition center.)
o The logs at Sol are working on NFI kits and shelters for the DAH proposal in RDC. (The logisticians at Solidarity are working on non-food item kits and shelters for the DAH proposal in the Democratic Republic of Congo.)
o Kilo Juliette for November Yankee, the situation is Oscar Kilo. (Kiwanja project (KJ) calling Nyanzale project (NY), the situation is OK.)
• The weekend, either you work, or you recuperate from an over-alcoholised Friday night.
• You shave at most 2 times a week and you have forgotten how to tie a tie.
• You always have a VHF radio and 3 different telephone chips with you.
• After having destroyed 3 blackberrys in six months, you buy a Nokia at $20 …. with the little flashlight on top and the black and white screen… which lasts 2 years.
• You have an IBM Lenovo laptop; ugly but indestructible.
• You have an external disc drive full of films, television series, music and nothing pertaining to work.
• You know that Relief Web is not a geographical site.
• For you, malaria is just a bad flue that everyone passes around.
• Nutella and/or Jiffy peanut butter become luxury items that you would do anything to have, at any price.
• A reinforced Toyota Landcruiser is what you call a car.
• A 30 hour bus trip (including a Jackie Chan film) on non-existent roads seems as normal to you as a New York – Washington plane shuttle does to others.
• You hop on a plane like others get into their cars.
• Entire villages in Africa call you by your first name, but you don’t even know the name of the person who lives across from you at home.
• All your friends are called Kasereka or Abdoul.
• Seeing men armed to their teeth on every street corner seems completely normal.
• You watch the news on TV and tell yourself that you have a job for life.

A short update on ME!

Waiting for:
World Peace, Prince Charming and the inspiration to write you a decent blog about something more than my weekend travels!

Reading:
Aranduti Roy – The God of Small Things (Yes, again... Beautiful writing)
OSHO - Love, Freedom, Aloneness (thanks Ines, and to the lovely girl I met on the bus to Aqaba who gave me her book – yep, just like that!)
Geoff Simmons – They destroyed Iraq and called it freedom (light bedtime reading!)

Planning:
A trip to purchase a few goods today, a trip to do some project stuff next week, a holiday to meet the lovely Sophie and Ben in Turkey next month!

Wondering:
What it is about difference that makes us feel so afraid and so threatened...?

Watching (although not anymore):
Black Swan (quite brilliant)

Thinking (about):
A quote by Khalil Gibran
The universe is my country and the human family my tribe

It's not all work...

Believe it or not, but last weekend I was actually camping under the stars in the desert...

There are no words to describe this, other than utterly amazing...

Last Friday and Saturday we spent our time seeing different places and learning more about a life with some things so different to ours, and some so much the same. We were so warmly welcomed and so well looked after - and this by people that we hardly know.. Really it's something very special...

On the Friday night we camped in Wadi Araba after driving around all afternoon... We watched the sun set over the sand dunes and had a great dinner cooked for us. I'm sure that this is one of the most remote place I have ever been. And the stars - well not even South Sudan could compete with them. On Saturday we went exploring in other places before returning back to Amman on Saturday evening.

Below are a few pictures from this wonderful weekend..




The Desert.......



Karine and I, heading home after our weekend away!


Over the last few weeks we've managed to see many places... We went to the Jerash festival & to the Dead Sea a few weeks before this..


Sun setting on the Dead Sea with the hills of Palestine in the back..




A concert in the small ampitheatre at the Jerash festival the week before last..



Some of the ruins at Jerash.

Last week we had a visit...

From a photojournalist - Spencer Platt.. Apparently he's collaborated with MSF for quite some years now but this was his first visit to our project in Amman.

I remember seeing one of his photos at The World Press Photography exhibition (my favorite), in 2006 when he was awarded photo of the year for a picture taken in Beirut following the targetting of Israel against Hezbollah.

Needless to say I was excited that he was coming to see our project in Amman.

See below for links to an interview blog and also the getty images link which contains more pictures.

Whilst they are sad they capture our patients in a true light and should be good in helping you to understand further what we are doing here. Also the consequences of war and the sometimes life of the people living in Iraq today..

http://photoblog.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2011/07/29/7196565-rehabilitating-victims-of-iraq-violence

http://www.gettyimages.co.uk/Search/Search.aspx?EventId=120070773&EditorialProduct=News

Since arriving in Amman.....

I have laughed, I have cried. I have eaten many sweets, mostly the pastry & pastichio kind that is home to the Middle East. I have missed my friends, my family, simultaneously I have made new ones. I have parted from a boyfriend, a friend, opening up another unknown path, more limitless life options, a blank canvas on which I am to paint. I’ve given thanks for the beauty that was Aweil. I have regretted my decision and I have accepted it. Cursed my circumstances and embraced them. I’ve been surprised by Amman, and by its people. I’ve watched the sun set over the hills of Palestine whilst visiting the Dead Sea. I’ve found both comfort and frustration in yoga and meditation, and somehow the motivation to join a gym! I’ve eaten falafel, but not half as much as I imagined, tasted the best pistachio ice-cream one can imagine, enjoyed some Jordanian wine (and not enjoyed some Jordanian wine). I’ve noticed the difference between working in the field and the coordination. I’ve seen children who barely have a face, and men who have no legs. I’ve heard the joy of our medical staff at the miracles their work performs, and I’ve realised that some things – both good and bad – eventually have to be accepted. I’ve gotten sunburt and peeled, wrapped myself under a blanket in the forest of Ajlun. I’ve put your faces on my wall, and the words that I believe in on my wood, I’ve watched my prayer flags sway with the breeze through my room whilst laying on my bed unable to sleep. I’ve slowly started to learn what’s expected from me in my new role and I’ve gotten over excited at the small achievements. I’ve taken one more small step and I’ve gladly learnt that some of those close to my heart have gained greater appreciation and acceptance at my choice.

So what exactly am I doing here......?

I know this is the question that some of you ask, so let me tell you a little bit about the project.

As you know, this time around I am not linked to the field. I’m working in the coordination team which is the group that overseas and supports all the fields that are within the country(ies).. So I am based in Amman, and by chance so is the main project. This is good! It makes it easier to visit the field on a regular basis and for me an important part of this work is feeling linked somehow to the people and to see the difference that we are making, it keeps my inspiration levels up. In the coordination team, on a daily basis you are not so linked to the patients themselves, rather the overall running, objectives, planning and management of the project more broadly.. Sooo, being able to easily visit the field is a big plus for me...

In Amman we are linked with a hospital and this is where most of our activities are taking place. The patients are identified in Iraq, the files sent for review and from here they go through a validation process to make sure that they meet our criteria. Once they are validated the process begins for getting them a visa and getting them to Amman. Once arriving in Amman they are located either at our hospital or in the hotel that we rent.

You see the project here is quite unique, with the patients sometimes staying for a rather extended period. Our allocation of beds in the hospital is only small so we rent a hotel for the patients to stay in, either when they are recovering from surgery and still going to the OPD (Out Patient Department) for follow up, or in between surgeries (depending on their specific issue, during each visit one person can have multiple surgeries, and they can then go back to their country of origin (usually Iraq) and come back to Amman multiple times also).

So it is certainly not a quick process and people are sometimes in the program for over a year, possibly more..

Most of our patients are victims of conflict from the war or the everyday life as it currently is in Iraq. A large percentage are men, but there is also always a presence of women and of children.. Seeing the children in the state that they are sometimes in is for me, personally, the saddest thing. The wounds that they have should be from no actions of their own, rather the consequences of chance and of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Consequences that will, regardless of the justice in it, haunt them for the rest of their lives.

Given Amman is such a safe and friendly destination many of the expats here are with their families. That means to begin with I had a 3 bedroom apartment for my little self, but these days I share with a great and super experienced French girl, and we’ve just said goodbye to a crazy and heartwarming Spanish Pharmacist! The team in the coordination is quite young and although they have families, which limits their weekend availability, we enjoy each others company and have limitless options for weekend fun as there are so many places to go in Jordan, plus we actually get 2 days off here, so there is a bit more time to explore.

Having said all this, Amman certainly isn’t the same as the afternoons and evenings under the mango tree in South Sudan, drinking Kenyan beers and eating macadamia’s. I guess the first time is always special, and I think, despite its difficulties, it will be hard to match the experience that I had in South Sudan, the Aweil survive team will be very hard to beat, comfortingly I’m not the only one to feel this!!

So, as you can tell, I have again decided to keep a blog! Enjoy the reading of my experiences and my random thoughts on life!

And remember, daily, how lucky we are, with not only the opportunities that are presented for us but for some of the consequences that, by chance, we don’t have to face!!

Goodbye to Sudan

Today, somehow I am different.
After months of being filled
with all you have thrown to me.
And whilst I can't tell you
what has changed,
I feel it's almost everything,
yet somehow nothing.
Whilst I wonder what
is for the road ahead,
I fear that with my departure
will be the end of all the contentness,
your country, and my time here
has filled.
Under your mango trees,
upon your dusty roads,
next to the smiles and the hands
of your children
I have found in myself something
which has always been missing,
something so eternally unfound.
And whilst I watch my last sunsets,
with the light that they bring,
I smile for your moments,
your friendships
your memories.
And I wish for your independence,
your peace
your freedom, and
that which you have given to me.