Another day in South Sudan.....

The time is really flying since I got back from holidays.. In theory I should be leaving kinda now, but with my extension I’ll be here til next month, or maybe even through part of Feb… I’m not sure how I feel about it.. Well I do know how I feel, I’m not ready to go, that’s for sure.

I really feel that I’ve made friends here now, that I know my job, that I work well with my team, that the staff trust me for the most part and that they talk to me now.. Like we’re making some progress and not rehashing the same thing all the time.. For this part, departing will be hard.. Just as you settle in, just as you find your feet it’s time to say goodbye to your colleagues, to your friends and to the place you now call home…

Having said that, the last few weeks have been busy, tough, but somewhat rewarding as well.. Registration has closed and the referendum is looming upon us.. It’s an exciting time to be here and for the most part it seems to have gone smoother than expected.. There’s bombings in the North part of South Sudan, it’s kinda political and not so appropriate to write about in here.. One day I hear the international media say nothing then the next I hear the NY Times has the referendum splashed over it’s front page… Either way, you can know that I’m still safe and that you needn’t worry!!!

We’re planning to throw a Christmas party for the national staff next week.. It should be great. We had a party a few months back where we bought a cow, had a ‘slaughter’ committee, the ladies cooked all day, everyone danced… It was great (well except for the cow head sitting outside the office with its horns still attached in a mini pool of blood, but it’s part of the cultural experience and nice to get an idea of life here)…

Speaking of cultural experiences, on my return from Juba I had my first party invitation waiting for me on my desk.. One of our Congalese midwives was heading back home and invited a few of us to celebrate at her farewell… It’s one of the most touching things I’ve been to.. It’s my first more traditional or local party as well.. I was super chuffed!! They cooked an amazing meal and there was some of my favorite staff from the hospital.. For the farewell they go around the circle and everyone says something – literally everyone! It’s super sweet.. So we all said out bit for our Midwife and wished her luck.. Sitting there in darkness, under the stars, listening to these people who just have the whole thing about life sometimes so correct, so metaphorical, it’s like listening to poetry.. All very fatalistic, all very ‘only god knows’ and all VERY VERY beautiful… We’re missing this in our culture.. They’re not afraid to say how they feel, they don’t feel like they need to know the answer to everything.. As we say goodbye most of them say, chances are we’ll never see you again, but good people come in and out of your life and they give thanks for this… For the time that they’ve got to spend together and they don’t wallow over what is now the sad departure. I guess, with many of the things people in this country (and the surrounding countries) have been through they just realize that life has to go on..

It’s the same for another of our staff whom I really like.. She doesn’t speak English and I speak very little Dinka but we really like each other.. We communicate somehow and we laugh together every day.. She calls me Nyunkai, which means sister and she hugs me.. So when she mentions briefly to one of my team something about her life, which Mary translates, I start crying in the office.. She has no money to feed her now 5 kids (it used to be 6 but of them one died) so every pay day she goes to the market to buy the food, the money she gives to her husband (who won’t work) he spends on prositutes.. This lady is beautiful!! Really beautiful, how any man could choose a prostitute over her I don’t know. What really amazes me is that every day she smiles.. She smiles and she laughs.. She doesn’t tell us this story to make us feel sorry for her, this is just her life.. I swear that I will never take for granted again the ability to make choices for myself, for my life, for my happiness.. It’s so cliché but honestly it’s really easy to be inspired by the people here… This is not the saddest story I’ve heard in Sudan, everyone has sad stories, for all of them life has not been easy, but it’s sad for me because this lady is my friend and the thought of the misery that must sometimes engulf her, engulfs me and I think about it and dream about it for days..

So, on a lighter note, whilst planning the national staff Christmas party we simultaneously plan our Christmas Day and the activities in the hospital… Some of us plan on buying little presents in the market and playing Santa in the hospital on Christmas morning, I think it’ll be great.. As for our Christmas celebrations at the compound we’ll repeat many of our thanksgiving dishes and we’ve all been stockpiling nice wine, nice liqueur, the frenchies have had foie gras sent to them – it should be great… For New Years I think we’re having a 70’s party – some of the get up in the market is perfect for this…

After next week I will compete (with just 2 days difference) for being the longest standing person in the mission… We’ve said many goodbye’s, another two just this week! To think that I am almost the longest standing though feels a bit crazy.. Time does funny things here, you can never really be sure of it….

Jambo.....

Jambo (Kiswahili for hello)

So I’m back from Zanzibar, it was a great great trip.. I think it should be the mandatory location for anyone going on R&R… On my own for the whole time I probably would have ended up a bit bored so I’m really grateful that Rupa came with me…

We had a night out in Juba on our way out, with one of the logs who works in another project in South Sudan that has just closed.. He’s super great so it was a nice start to the holiday.. The next day we flew and Rupa and I spent a night in Dar Es Salaam.. The city isn’t suppose to be all that safe and we didn’t get in til night, so reluctant to venture too far from our hotel we found the nearest place to us for something to eat and drink and this was the casino.. It was really funny as we ended up playing blackjack til like 3am in the morning, walking away richer than when we arrived.. Never before have I gambled so it was a fun experience – definitely a jump from Sudan…

After that I went to Stone Town and Rupa on safari and then we met back up in Stone Town and went to a beach on the east coast..

Stone town is great.. There is a big mix of Arabic and Indian in the culture, architecture and people that are there so it makes for some really beautiful things to look at. This coupled with the fact that a beautiful blue ocean runs along the side and REAL restaurants means it would have been very hard to not find the place enjoyable… I booked a really nice place to stay in as well, that served real coffee and a great breakfast on the roof top terrace where you can look out over the city…

On the east coast we stayed in a place called Matemwe… We ate, drank, slept, read.. It was perfect.. We hired some local guys to take us out on their boat one day and went fishing, something else I hadn’t done in years… There’s a private island not far from where we were so after half a hour on a very very bumpy road we got in their boat, went swimming near this island, which I am sure had the clearest, bluest, most transparent water I’ve ever seen…

So, that was Zanzibar.. Had another night in Juba with some of the team their on the way back and now I’m well and truly back at work… We’ve a new Field Co, a new Hospital Manager and a new Log Referent on the way.. Which means with all the heads of departments I’m the only one who has been here for any length of time.. It’s good though. Nice to come back to people with fresh energy and ideas.. The new Field Co seems super experienced so I think she’ll be great, especially as we approach the referendum…

It’ so strange to me that barely anybody we met has any idea about this event.. It seems the media hasn’t really been picking up on it… Which is good for me as you’ll all be less worried with the ‘scare stories’ I’m sure they’d be sharing, but bad at the same time.. This will be a defining moment for this country, one way or the other and I can’t believe, especially after Darfur that no one knows what’s about to take place.. For those that are interested there is an article that George Clooney and another guy published after their recent visit.. I’m sure you can google it.. No freaking out though, Abyeui is not Aweil. The context is completely different as is the location!

I’m happy to be back.. There’s still lots to do but coming back to what I honestly describe as home, was nice… It was nice to see the team, a few people were particularly excited to see us which was cool… And the National Staff too.. 2 of the cleaners came running over to give me a huge hug along with a few other people so it was really great…

The team has really changed, quite a lot since I arrived and there will be a few more changes in the next month and then pretty much stability til I leave, which inshalla will be early Feb…. There are a group of us going at the same time so we’re hoping to do Gorilla trekking in Uganda before some of us head back to Paris for debriefing… It would be blissful…

The hospital is a little less busy which is great.. The peak season for malnutrition is decreasing, well it’s suppose to be, as should be malaria, though this isn’t down as much as we’d hope.. We’re struggling to find the medical staff that we need but we keep soldiering on and do the best that we can.. We start construction in the hospital to extend some of the wards so this is good, I think it’s been planned for a little while so it’s nice to see these things come to fruition…

I feel more and more bonded with the staff as the days go on.. Some of the people here I’ll really miss when I leave, it’s a great way to feel, despite knowing it will one day lead to great sadness and many tears.. Such is the life of MSF I guess…

I miss everyone at home a little this week.. I think it’s probably being snapped back to a different reality and realizing it would be nice to do this with my friends and family as well… But it’s not so far away and I’ll be doing this again, then probably wishing I was back here… Ah we are funny beings – me at least anyway….

For this entry it’s all… So til next time, smile!!!!

Danii has a crush

Not just on Sudan….!

Although it wouldn’t be hard with the sky here of an evening and of a night.. Last night, or should I say this morning I walked to my tukul, generator off, lights off with only the moon lighting my way…

These moments are a nice break from what has been a busy and hard couple of weeks…

We talk about security; what are the likely outcomes and possibilities before and after the referendum.. What does this mean for us.. Will the country break into war, what does it mean for the project… For me I ask my staff what they want, what they think will happen.. Sometimes I hold back tears, not because their answers are unexpected but just because, well it is sad…

George Clooney paid a visit to Juba, he’s trying to bring international attention to Sudan and the pending referendum date.. Rumour had it he’d be in Aweil, no such luck.. Looks like he just missed his chance with me, I’m sure he’ll be very upset….

We also talk HR.. A LOT!!! It’s not fun for me at the moment actually, not that the issues are fun for the medical staff but I’m the one hearing it from every department.. We’ve a lot of resignations at the moment, a lot of contracts ending and this coincided with reviewing our HR needs makes for annoyed and tired expats, frustrated at not having the staff we need, sometimes not being able to find the staff we need, not getting the answers that they want when they want them.. Such is life I guess, I think we all try to do the best we can do but some days it’s just not enough… I had a big cry last week, the biggest since I’ve been here.. It felt good though….

The week ahead will see more progress and a much needed holiday for me.. Me and Doctor Rupa are heading to Zanzibar… Woo hooo!! We fly into Dar Es Salaam, spend a night there then Rupa heads off on safari for 2 nights and I go to Zanzibar.. I’m staying at the coffee house hotel in Stone Town for 2 nights in a suite… Luxury, luxury!! Double bed, toilets…. Rupa comes after 2 nights and we head to the east coast for 3 nights on the beach. Eating, walking, sleeping, reading.. Oh I can’t wait… We spend the last night in the nicest hotel in Dar Es Salaam with an asian fusion restaurant and a highly regarded rooftop bar….

I haven’t talked much about the program we have here.. So I’ll give you a little introduction.. We work in Aweil Civil Hospital.. The MoH (Ministry of Health) works in one section and MSF in the other.. We’re doing the pediatric and maternal care.. With our 250 odd staff we operate an Outpatient department where sick kids are checked out, an In Patient Department where the sick kids are hospitalised (sometimes from OPD sometimes from somewhere else).. This includes kids with tetnus, premature and low birth weight babies, an intensive care unit and then just generally sick kids who need to be hospitalized.. It’s both amazing and sad to see.. We also run ANC, ante natal care for all the Mumma’s to come to leading up to their pregnancy and a maternity department where they can come to give birth… And as you know from my experience we run an operating theatre…

I had my second experience in there the other week.. There was a pregnant lady who came in.. Her family had been burning the crops and the fire got out of control, to stay away from it she climbed up a tree but then fell out of the tree into the fire.. She was burned in over 60 percent of her body and lost her baby.. In the end she died, but not before I shared the experience of changing the dressings on this lady with the medical team.. Literally from her legs down, her face, all of her arms.. She came into the OT looking like a Mummy… We removed every piece of cloth, cleaned her skin and then put new dressings back on her.. She died last week… It’s amazing how quickly life can change. One week a husband thinks he’ll be bringing a baby into the world with his wife and the next week the baby is lost and so is the to be mother.. Days like this I’m not sure about justice or fairness or life…

This is something we contemplate last night, or should I say this morning… After partying and dancing and singing and grooving… I’m discussing colleague the notion of wisdom.. Where does it come from, what is it, is it ever fully achieved.. This follows my conversation with one of the logs about time and it’s impacts… I love this… Philosophizing about something to which we’ll never know the answer.. Talking to people about the real things in life whilst we sit under the stars in Sudan drinking vodka, laughing…

It’s a good reminder after a hard week.. A good reminder of what we’re doing, of why I’m tired of what we’re fighting for…. Reminded that it is out there, something eternal and beautiful and honest. The only separation is time and that for the moment is filled with other beautiful experiences to make a happy life and a very very content Danii…..

(a bit more than) A week in the life of the Admin... part 2

Wednesday:
6.45am – alarm goes off.. Snooze, snooze.. Teeth brushing, face washing, breakfast.. Tea, and another cup of tea for the road.

7.45am – in the office.. Frustrated by the mistakes one of my assistants has made with the payslips.. I’m tired of having to follow every detail, it reminds of the saying – if you want something done properly, do it yourself.. But there’s too much to do yourself here..
I listen to one of the logs whine at the processes and not being able to get money from me… God it’s not even 8.30.. I want to scream…

8.30am – morning meeting.. I hold back tears when it comes to my update, blurt out a few words and sit there feeling overwhelmed at all that is to be done and at South Sudan in general today…

9.15am – talk to the super log from Paris about security and processes for 15 minutes before they’re off to catch the plane. We race to the car and do a quick drive by of the bank before returning to base and saying au réviour, nice to meet you, see you in Paris for debriefing next year..

10am – sit in the office and try to plan my day.. Add to my to do list. Send emails, type letters and communication to the National Staff.. Respond to the logs via a typed letter, confirming the status of all their pending issues.. This makes me feel a little better..
Talk to my assistant about expectations and then say goodbye – he’ll return back to his plan of holidays and they’ll just be two of us in the office for the next 2 weeks.. It’s harvesting time in Sudan!

1.30pm – take 20 minutes for lunch and a few pieces of chocolate… Ah, heaven!!

1.50pm – back to the office. Prepare for the pending disciplinary meetings, where one of the people will refuse to sign their warning after a long and tiring conversation..

6.30pm – walk back to the compound, pour myself (or is that poor myself) a white cask wine, into our stainless steel coffee mugs and walk back to the compound! I’m tired today…

7.30pm – wine or no wine, my brain’s had enough.. Turn off the computer and close up the office.. I arrive back in my compound to fresh flowers in a makeshift vase (water bottle, with shells inside).. What a way to cheer me up after a shitty, shitty day.. One of the logs keeps doing this.. Every few days there is some new flower in my room. I think it’s his hobby, finding new flowers for me.. I’m glad.. I like it. He’s leaving soon and I’ll miss this…

Thursday:
7am – a few stretches, breakfast, coffee.. The best start to the day that one could ask for.. Translated through one of the cooks, one of the cleaners, and one of my favorite ladies, tells me that I’m her friend, that she loves me and that she doesn’t want me to go back to my country.. Ever… I need to hear this after yesterday…

8am – in the office…

Salary preparation, salary preparation!!! All day…….

By the end of the day I’m dreaming notes.. They fly over each other, they circle, in my head, note after note after note!!!

Eventually we get it done… At 5.30 Mary goes home…

I go to WFP to check the flight manifest – we’ve people arriving and departing tomorrow.. Some of the boys are off to Mombasa for their R&R, oh how I wish I could fit in their suitcase…

6pm – back from WFP.. Pack my bag, print my job description and head off to do my review with Dramane before he leaves.. We enjoy a beer and dinner.. The only thing left on the menu is omlette and chips! He tells me he hasn’t eaten this since being a poor student – I don’t think I’ve ever eaten this.. Well maybe in England, with Sarah, after one of our many big nights…

9.30 – back home.. Quick chat to the boys, they’re sitting up listening to music and quietly drinking, preparation for their well deserved holiday.. They can see how tired I am though so they let me sneak off.. Cup of tea, book, sleep!!!

I don’t dream tonight..

Friday:
Salary payment day.. Though I’m in the office all day so it’s a good chance to actually get work done (in between helping Mary to get everyone outside and line up one at a time for collection)… We’re trying a new process today.. I’m not sure if it’s working – I hope so.

We go for lunch – she’s done a good job and had a busy morning so she more than deserves it.. The Field Co will leave on Friday so we invite him.. We all share chicken in a soup/gravy with rice, some sort of greens and a bit of chapatti.. The chapatti’s here are great…

The afternoon goes smoothly.. By 6pm I’m ready for a beer.. Just a few emails to get through..

The Friday night meeting is a treat – NOT.. We’ve had a new pharmacist who’s arrived, as well as the MedCo to replace the Field Co til we get the permanent replacement.. I think the pharmacist must wonder what she’s gotten herself into. The whole meeting is mostly taken up by HR and I get to be the bad guy.. They’ve recruited way to many people here, before me, and now they can’t replace them as their contracts end.. It’s a bone of contention to say the least.. The meeting doesn’t go too badly but 2 people end up in tears, either during or after and everyone is frustrated by the process.. I’m frustrated with people going over my head to try and get a different answer so I’m firm – just like the Field Co wants me to be.. He shakes my hand at the end.. Happy that before he leaves he see’s me being strong and taking my proper place in the team with it’s associated responsibility…

(a bit more than) A week in the life of the Admin….. part 1

Friday to Tuesday:

Let me recap, briefly
Friday – After weeks of spending too much time in the office, today I part play log. Due to the flooding there are IDP’s (internally displaced people), some of which have been moved by the Government to a new location. No water, no food, no latrines and about 8km out of town – via a very messy road that even our land cruisers got stuck in. On Thursday the logs take a tank and the first lot of water. Today, I go back and we fill up the tank with water, we asses how many new people have arrived and we asses what they’ve eaten.. Sugarcane.. I have a play at watsan, run the water from the pick up to the tank via a little machine… It’s good – today I feel like an aid worker.. I came here to help and the physical act of doing something feels more constructive than the weeks I’ve been in the office dealing with Admin and HR.. I know that it’s all important but today it’s just what I need. To be with the people and to smile at the kids whilst they stare at the kawaja’s and run from us as we threaten to get them with water.

Saturday – At 5pm I rush out of the office, put on the local Sudanese football jersey, attract much too much attention on our way to the stadium and I play football with some of the expats and the national staff.. The Dinka’s are tall and they are fast. My first tackle is with a French guy and a Dinka and I end up on the ground.. Hmmm, this isn’t like playing with the girls at home.. I get laughed at, stared at and encouraged (although this a little less often).. I feel like I’m breaking every single social norm that exists within this culture by doing something that is, to me, completely normal.. I play a terrible game of football as I’m so self conscious (and frightened of getting hammered) that I can’t get out of my head.. It’s still fun.. We get some great picture and we start developing a better relationship with the National Staff here.. This is the point and I think it’s working.. One big tick for the day…
At 11pm I go to bed.. everyone stays up partying, the music gets louder and at 12.15 I decide I’m not going to sleep so I get back up and join the party.. We dance, we sing.. We find some sort of colorful streamers and coat ourselves with this and with toilet paper, laughing, yelling at the DJ, tonight is one of the best parties we’ve had.. We’re all happy, most of us are here.. Life is good..

Monday - There is a grenade let off by someone in Akuem. At 4.30am the Dr’s on call have to go into the hospital, we discuss over breakfast what’s happened. A fight breaks out during a traditional initiation ceremony, one person who’s not initiated starts be taunted by the men that are, his response ends in 20 odd people having to be admitted to the hospital. We discuss this in our morning management meeting and confirm that it’s a grenade, not a gun that he’s used.. The OT is busy today with all the cases that have come in.. Somewhere between 3-5 people have died, the numbers aren’t confirmed.. I discuss this with my team, apparently initiation isn’t legal here anymore but some of the people still do it.. If you don’t have it other men, and even worse – your wife, can call you a boy..

Akuem is about 45 minutes from us, MSF used to have a project here but left back in 2007 I think… I’m reminded that we’re in Sudan.. At home a fight is a fight, usually with 2 fists.. Here after so many years of war and access to weaponary it ends up with a bunch of people hurt and a few people dead… Such a waste…

Sunday is funday...

My Sunday is not so hard here today… I’m typing my blog outside in the compound, the sun is shining and I’ve a bell in hand.. This is one of the Ugandan beers we enjoy here.. I’ve done a little bit of work this morning, typing up some proposals to send to the Coordination team to justify some changes we want to make here in the field..

Drinking a beer in the sun though kind of feels like I’m holidays so it’s not so bad at all..

I spent last weekend in Juba, the capital of South Sudan.. I went there for a few days break and I was well looked after.. The ladies let me pick whatever I wanted in the supermarket.. Cheese, olives, REAL red wine and salami… It was a nice treat, blissful actually.. I did a bit of work on Friday and then just read, slept, ate and on Sunday afternoon went to the swimming pool for some much needed water.. It’s funny being in a place so hot and not being able to get in the ocean – very different to being home..

This afternoon the plan is for a nap, followed by a game of volleyball.. It’s not all fun but Sundays everyone generally relaxes and takes time out which is much needed after a week of hard work.. We had the end of Ramadan here this week, confusion with the public holiday made me giggle. The way things are organized and the way things work is so different to at home. I think I’ve become more flexible, it’s impossible to plan for everything in a county like this and half the time I see beauty in this, half the time I’m just plain frustrated..

It’s hard to know what to write at the moment as life seems to be continuing nicely, although time goes fast..

Perhaps work.. So I’m responsible for all the HR management, well with my team which consists of another 2. We have about 260 National staff that work across the hospital, logistics (drivers, labourers, storekeepers, builders etc.) and administration.. In my team there is me, 1 Finance Assistant and 1 HR Assistant, hence we’re always busy.. Given the history of Sudan there aren’t a huge number of trained medical people, Medical Assistant’s and Nurses are a constant struggle to engage and retain and this makes for a lot of HR issues for the hospital and for me.. Along with recruitment and discipline the other HR things we deal with are the labour law and making sure we are following this across everything to do with recruiting staff, paying them, settling them when they resign or are dismissed… The other thing I deal with is money.. Paying the staff, working with the logs on costs for construction, purchases etc. etc, trips to pick up Plumpy Nut (a food from Unicef we use to feed malnourished children), managing the money that comes in and out of the project, being across the budget, making sure everything is recorded properly, making sure we’re spending the right amount on the right items… It’s all a new challenge for me, though and I have pretty good working relationships with most of the people here so that really helps…

It’s my first time managing a team and being a Head of Department where you’re involved in much of the decision making but I really like it.. I think the best part about my role is that you have a good understanding for what’s happening across the whole project, this is something I really like.. That and the fact that I get to have contact with lots of the staff. Sometimes there’s to much problem solving with the issues they are facing but really, it’s good to get to know a large number or the people and understand the difficulties that they are facing and what their life has been like..

There’s been many changes in the coordination team and given the up and coming referendum there’s the need to have some consistency and make decisions about the team that will be here during this period – which no doubt will be a defining moment in history for both the Sudanese and possibly the broader African community.. Given this, last week I decided to extend my mission.. The HR Coordinator in the capital will leave beforehand and not only do I think that it will be useful for the project to have consistency during this time but I also think it will be politically very interesting… I also want to have the opportunity to see some of the change we are making in the project, especially in my department – it’s good to see the rewards and experience them after initiating some of this..

So, I’m likely to be here until February now.. Given how quickly the last months have gone I think I’ll be fine.. I’ve got a week long break between now and then that will either be spent somewhere with Grambi at the end of her Africa trip or in Zanzibar laying on the beach and eating sushi.. Yes, I’m all about the food and the ocean at the moment…

I think about life back home and I miss you all often, but it’s nice to feel fully content with life and with what I’m doing.. I think life on mission and my expectations (of Sudan particularly) are different to the reality but not in a bad way.. I’m happy here. We have the most amazing sky. Nearly every evening the sunsets are beautiful. The sky fills with pinks and blues and purples. Every night I brush my teeth under the stars and looking at the milky way, something I never get to experience at home. My day is filled talking to people and slowly getting to understand a different culture and a different way of life.. Not only with the national staff but with the expats who come from all around the globe.. If anything this mission has confirmed more to me that we’re all pretty much the same, minus a few minor and unimportant differences..

Dressed in green

I’m in green plastic shoes. They have a large 38 printed in black marker, along with three letters MAT. My shoes are matched by my outfit. Long green pants that start high around my waist, they cut in a little from all the beer that we’ve been drinking and all the carbs we continue to eat. This is also supported by a loose long sleeved green top, a piece of white cotton material tied around my hair and a mask covering my face.. No this isn’t a new fashion that I’m trying here in Sudan, I’m in scrubs, sitting in the Operating Theatre, waiting for my first operating experience – well for which I’ll not be sedated… More exciting than this, I’m about to experience the joys of life being brought into the world, for the first time…

I feel nervous about how I’ll react to the blood.. I move from my seat on the side of the room, to stand behind the Mumma who’s been injected so that she’s numb for the most part of her body, I look over the material and semi-circle that prevents her from seeing 2 people cutting open her stomach – and surprisingly I don’t faint.. The noise of the cutting is a little disconcerting at times, I look and look away and look and look away.. The Nurse and the Obstetrician/Gynecologist focus hard, cutting along careful lines, taking out the scar from a pervious caesarian. Too quickly to believe this baby comes out from the stomach, is caught by one of the midwives, the umbilical cord is cut, she’s put on a warm machine and moments later she’s all wrapped up and in my arms.. I manage to hold back tears, how I’m not sure, this really is a beautiful moment..

This was my Sunday afternoon.. On the way to lunch we shared our car with some of the team going to the hospital, and after saying only the day before how I wanted to see a birth I was lucky enough that the team got called in so I jumped ship from the Ethiopian restaurant and decided that the caesarian, which would probably turn me off my lunch for days, was a better option… I ended up being in for a real treat as there were 2 caesarians. The second was a little boy.. At first I wasn’t sure he was going to make it.. His Mum had been in labour for 2 days before she came to the hospital and over in maternity she was having problems pushing him out. She’d had one birth before but the baby didn’t survive.. The heart rate of this baby started dropping, you can tell from this little machine you put on the tummy and you can hear the heart beating. So it was decided she’d go to the OT too.. This baby was harder to get out.. I was slightly more inquisitive as to the operating process as well – feeling more ballsy after not faiting the first time, I was looking a little more at what the gynecologist/obstetrician was doing with the Nurse, cutting here, pulling there, holding down this, pulling out the baby who was a little stuck.. It’s crazy, that all of a sudden this little person pops out.. He wasn’t breathing so well at first but after perseverance from the lovely Akira, with rubbing him and some oxygen he came good.. This time the Mum was more alert, I guess the drugs effect everyone differently.. She just wanted to see her bubba, so whilst they stitched her up I held the baby on a little seat not too far from her head and she smiled at the new life she had brought into the world..

Seeing all of this I feel like I’m alive. I feel like I’m seeing the best part of humanity.. The strongest and truest emotions that everyone should have the chance to experience.. Watching the joy on the ladies face and the happiness that was apart of her mother, really is something special. I feel I’ve been apart of a life changing experience, without using any words, we’ve crossed languages. I expected to feel as though I was intruding, an unwanted visitor to a private experience in a closed circle, in reality I don’t feel like this at all. The women here are beautiful..

My favourite day in Aweil

Monday 23rd August, 2010

So yesterday I think I had my most favorite day in Aweil....

My first full day off, yes after nearly 6 weeks it was much appreciated....

I slept til 11, had coffee, breakfast and followed this with a really great bikeride out of the main town along the railroad tracks... My least favorite part, that will however no doubt get the most laughs was my way back.. I spotted the street we had turned and whilst trying to turn around, slightly after the street, with a donkey on one side of the road and a horse on the other I fell...

I definitely blame the donkey.. I was worried I was too close and that would bite me, hence I fell completely off my bike - although I'm sure that the stupid 'kawaja' (white person in Dinka) provided much amusement to the locals.. Normally they laugh at the tiniest silliest things anyone does but most of them just said sorry!!

With slightly damaged pride (lucky only one of the expats was with me) I got back up and finished the little ride left to the compound... Seriously, at 24 who can't ride a bike????

It was a good laugh at least...

The bike ride was followed by an afternoon of laying in the sun reading my book, which was then followed by a game of volleyball (yes we have a volleyball court in one of our compounds) and then an Ethiopian restaurant for dinner.. It was the first dinner I had had out since my arrival and was amazing!!

Most days are not always so restful but there is - 99% of the time - at least one point in the day where I am amazed by where I am... The people here are really beautiful.. They are really friendly, smile at you a lot and most of the time wave..

I've learnt that the smile is universal.. A wave goes a long way... Bad attempts at either Dinka or Arabic are greatly appreciated and that you can make friends and beautiful bonds with people with whom you don't even share the same languauge.. Humans have this great way of understanding each other beyond words - when the situation arises that is...

The work is slowly starting to get a bit easier.. Probably because I understand what I'm doing more and I'm getting used to the way of working... I don't think anything of life in Australia could have taught me what I need to know here - patience, patience and more patience... It's very rewarding at the same time though... Especially walking through the hospital and seeing the work that MSF do here.. I take my hat off to the Dr's and Nurse's, whom every day are dealing with death.. Most of the time due to illness and sickness that wouldn't result in such tragedy if we where at home with the access to medical practice and care we are all so used to...

My tukul has turned into my little sanctuary.. I bought cloth and a few bits and pieces to decorate it.. Though most nights after work are spent under the mango tree that is the middle of our compound drinking a beer or two, playing cards, listening to music and just enjoying each other's company... It's the most theraputic and enjoyable way to end even the hardest of days...

The food is good... Well it's fairly repetative - beans, rice, pasta, fresh tomatoes and cucumber when we're lucky.. Beans, beans, rice, pasta - oh did I mention that already?? We have meat most days as well, although some days I'm more game to try then others... The chicken here is amazing - though very expensive - especially when usually there is 20 or more of us to feed, so it's a bit more of a rarity...

We've got a few of the expats who are good enough to get in the kitchen.. Last week we had one fairwell for which we made homemade pasta and one birthday for which we made homemade pizza as some of the ladies had been on R&R in Ethiopia and brought back some cheese...

Amazingly though I'm putting on weight.. All the carbs and beer...!! It's the enjoyment of my day though...

Volleyball is usually a weekly ritual and I have managed to have one game of soccer with the locals and some of the expats at the square in town.. I aim for this more often but unfortunately the days seem to get hijacked - although I still find myself wondering what I actually get done... My role should be called problem solver - not administrator!!

I miss everyone at home but I definitely feel that I've made the right decision.. It feels almost as if it's been too easy to adjust, I don't know if this is because I'm on the right track or if it's because it's all so much easier than the little "Welcome to South Sudan" booklet made me expect...

I guess the team and the people that are here all help...

I'm looking forward to my holidays already, the time feels like I've been here for ages but simultaneously not as long as reality tells me.. There have been quite a few people come and go, and given the size of the expat team here I think this is a fairly usual occurance..

What else can I tell.. The showers, the showers are amazing, nice and big, although on a cold morning it's definitely not how you want to wake up.. although we've running water it's not warm so out of a cold tukul, perhaps post storm (the storms are crazy here during the rainy season - I'm surprised that as many tukuls that are left standing are) the water is a wee bit cold... The toilets are drop toilets - something I'm slowly getting used to but very clean...

The sunsets are beautiful as is the sky each night when the generator goes out and you can see star after star.. The moon has it's nights as well - tonight is definitely one of them...

All in all, life in Aweil is not so bad.. South Sudan is much better than I expected and I find myself in a really content state of happiness that I appreciate much more than I thought possible...

I'm not sure if I believe that I'm changing the world, but I do think that as a team here the work we are doing is much needed and for the most part much appreciated...

Let's hope that the next 4 months are as positive...

Much love, hugs, kisses and happiness

xxxxx

PS - some pictures for your enjoyment...

And another little update....

Well how the world has changed since my last post – in Aweil at least.

Internet has been down for nearly 4 weeks now, hence I can’t access gmail, my blog etc… Soooo every now and again, I hope to be able to use one of the other NGO’s servers to post a few blogs (still written at different times) for you all… Hence you'll see my previous post giving you an update written my first week in..

I’ve really settled in here now and am definitely no longer the new person.. The team has changed quite a bit, we’ve had loads of visits – it feels as though there are always new people coming and going..

I’ve made a few friends, enjoyed a few parties, had many work stresses, many laughs and few tears so after 5 weeks here, I think it’s pretty good.

It’s hard to know what to tell you all.. I think pictures are more interesting so I’ll aim for those in my next post.

I'll keep this very short, as I'm sitting in another NGO borrowing their internet with one of the local staff waiting for me BUT I will try to come back here again and have a better update prepared for you all (if anyone is still checking this after all my time of no correspondance)..

Much love

Danii xx

A little late......

18th July

Well, I’ve almost completed my first week in Aweil…

I hope back at home you’re all well..

Apologies first to those that were worried about me, one of the last emails I sent said I was in Kampala however I left the day before the bombs went off.. Thankfully!! Communication isn’t great here, I still don’t have a phone as yet and email is slow…

Enough admin…

So after a week in Paris, briefing and briefing I flew to Kampala in Uganda for 2 nights whilst my Sudanese visa got processed and then arrived in Juba (the capital of South Sudan) last week on Saturday.. There was a few issues that led to my coming to the field earlier, however I won’t go into that in my blog…

Juba, and Sudan in general (so far anyway), is very different to what I expected. Not in all ways but in some. Flying in (the planes did get smaller and smaller) everything looks so green, there’s expansion of land that is completely unpopulated and then you see little villages pop up.. It’s really great..

Juba is a lot more developed than I expected.. Given the amount of NGO’s that are now there, I guess the economy and desires (of the international community at least) have forced some kind of a development of infrastructure, good restaurants and bars. There are various MSF sections in Juba, all working on various projects throughout South Sudan..

I got to experience my first expat party with a few other NGO’s and some of the other MSF groups there.. Juba even has a pool at one of the lodges/resorts so one afternoon was spent catching some sun, having a swim and enjoying a cocktail.. Yes, for the most part the experience has been much better than I expected with many more perks…

I arrived in Aweil last week on Monday, having already met some of the Aweil team in Juba (they where training) it was nice.. Our tukuls are great, all is very clean, we have these great showers and the drop toilet is even something I’m starting to get used to – although I don’t imagine it would be much fun if you were sick…

The project here is interesting.. I had a walk through the hospital on my first day here.. This was pretty brief, given the amount of work there is to do but great to get an overview of what we’re doing here and an introduction to why it is I’m here.. I’ve got more time coming up to spend there, doing the rounds with some of the doctors and getting to know the local staff and seeing the issues of some of the patients…

Given the focus is mothers and babies there are heaps of kids around.. They’re so cute and so friendly.. Walking back to our compound from the hospital the other day we had 3 gorgeous little girls shake our hands and then follow us back, giggling and staring for the vast majority of the time.

The people here are really great also. Very polite, very friendly… Everyone says that given the war that the people and the country have faced for so long that the people can be hard, but this is something I’m yet to experience.. Having said that the days are long so there is little time to get out in the market during the week… I’m determined not to work Sundays though so from next week I’ll be sure to go out and see a bit more..

What else to tell… There’s a pet cat we’ve got called Sita, she’s only a little kitten so very funny to watch her running around and enjoying the cuddles.. the expat team here is about 20 at the moment, a few more flying out this week but then a few arriving as well. As of tomorrow I will no longer be the new person, having said that everyone is pretty nice and gets along really well so it’s not really something that is unconfortable anyway..

We’re quite a mix – English, French, Australian, Canadian, American, Japanese, New Zealand, Ivory Coast, El Salvador, mmmm and I think that’s it, thought I could be wrong…

I’ve got a team of two people a lady named Mary who is from Kenya and a guy named Santino who is Sudanese.. I take over the admin role in an official capacity tomorrow, so that’s when the fun should begin..

The work stresses here are just unlike anything you can think of at home.. Maybe because now I’m dealing with HR but honestly, I find myself laughing so much at either the mess of the office, the lack of systems (yes there is lots to clean up) or some of the stories of both the expats and the locals…

I’ll look forward to sharing some with you all soon – hopefully some photo’s too..

I am able to log onto gmail, however I’m not sure if all the emails come through, I sent something from the work account the other day and it didn’t make it so, if you don’t hear from me I’m not ignoring you…

Will also try and send some pictures in my next blog.. My tukul should be decorated by then so I can provide you with a few snaps – perhaps what it’s like pre the rain and then post (the compound turns into a swimming pool!)

All is well and I am happy.. Looking forward to many of the challenges and great experiences that lie ahead… Hope all is well where you all are…

Lots of love, Danii xxxxxx

And so it beings..

Hi all,

Well the time has finally come to leave Paris.. I head off tomorrow...

I collected all the mail and all bits and bobs this afternoon.. I fly to Uganda tomorrow and stay there one night (hopefully - this depends on how quickly they process my visa) then onto Juba (capital of South Sudan) then onto Awiel...

Given I go via Brussels this means that in 2 weeks I will have done several countries and several planes.. From what I hear they get smaller each step...

Thanks for the emails and sorry I haven`t had time to reply to them all.. It is great to hear from you though so keep them coming..

NOTe - I`ve lost quite a few mail address so please email me so I have them again.. I think the zombiness in the days prior to my departure saw me loosing my senses and I got to happy with the delete key..

Paris has been lovely.. The weather is great and thanks to the World Cup I`ve had people to talk to over beers (finally I`ve discovered where the bars live in this city)..

My days with MSF have been very interesting... My predecssor is back in Paris, hence my 7 days here, to hand over with her... I`ve taken a LOT of info about the project and my role so feel I`ve a bit better an understanding and an idea of what I`ve gotten myself into..

The project doesn`t sound easy but I believe it will be very rewarding.. I`m definitely ready to be there now.. Which is a good thing...

I think my net access will be quite limited so if you don`t get a blog or an email for the next 6 weeks don`t worry.. Just means I can`t access in the field and that I`ll have to share my pics when I take a long weekend back in the capital...

Hope all is well back hime.. Given it`s only been a week I doubt much has changed..

Lots of love

Danii xxxx

You've found me....

If you're reading this blog then congratulations, you've found me..!

I thought that setting one of these up would be easy, but alas my lack of technological 'know-how' proved otherwise. Now that I have in part discovered the process though, here's hoping to good internet access in South Sudan and the ability to keep you entertained with pictures and stories.

Having my first mission in Sudan is actually quite fitting for me. Not long before moving to the UK everyone was reporting on the genocide taking place in Darfur (or the debate as to whether genocide was actually taking place) and during this time I watched a really interesting documentary. This wasn't the first documentary that made me cry, however looking back on it now, I do think that it was the first time that the seed of possibility planted itself in my head.

Somewhere between then and now the flower grow and I finally realised what it is that I want to do with my life. Although many people (my Dad mainly) laugh at my 'wanting to save the world' ideals, I do believe that it is many individual people who take steps (both big and small) to making this world a better place. Without these individuals and the influence that their steps and contributions make who knows where we'd be....

So 5 years later here I am.. Off to Sudan..! My first step....

Wish me luck...